Navigating the Culture War: How to Support Trans Friends in a Changing World

While I usually wouldn’t mind a bunch of middle-aged lesbians fighting over each other about what’s in my pants, the culture war is a strange and unnerving place to be for a trans/non-binary person.

Trans people are not safe from the culture war

With trans rights steadily progressing in Australia and sharply regressing in other parts of the world, being trans in this country feels like scoring a temporary safe seat in a worldwide game of musical chairs.

However, the culture warriors are always threatening to start another tiring round. Somehow, efforts to scapegoat trans and non-binary people as the worst thing to happen to teenagers’ reproductive capacity since Dungeons and Dragons have not been quite as successful here as in other countries.

Here in Australia the failed Voice to Parliament and the political climate wars demonstrate that popular opinion can easily be swayed by rhetoric and false us-and-them narratives. The political game of musical chairs threatens the possibility of the tables turning too.

In this charged climate, where homophobes want to fight the same old battles but just work through the alphabet backwards this time, it’s important to stand together in solidarity.

So how can you help your trans and non-binary friends?

Be normal

Trans people don’t need to constantly talk about their transness, but in a safe world we wouldn’t need to hide it either.

Let your friend take the lead on how much they want to talk about transphobia; back them up when they’re on a roll but let them be when they’re not in the mood.

Acknowledging this aspect of us without making it the sole focus of every interaction is one of the most important things you can do. The vast majority of trans people appreciate you putting in an effort rather than getting everything right. If you’re not an overly patronising, intrusive, apologetic or hostile person to everyone you know, don’t be one around trans people just because they’re trans.

Be welcoming

Don’t assume that trans people will be able to see into your lovely generous soul – be actively welcoming.

Whether you’re organising a friendly game of battleships or an actual naval blockade, let trans and gender diverse people know you’re on board with diversity by putting a flag in your window and free pronoun stickers by the door.

Phrases like ‘all genders welcome’, ‘trans friendly’, ‘inclusive space’, ‘LGBTIQA+ friendly’, or visual elements like the trans pride flag colours (white, pastel pink and pastel blue) and the non-binary pride flag colours (black, white, yellow and purple) in your advertising can signal a warm welcome.

Gender neutral bathrooms, inclusive dress codes, a commitment to privacy, and clear policies to deal with transphobia with a process in place for reporting and addressing issues goes a long way to creating a safer space.

Celebrate achievements

While there are painful aspects to being gender diverse, transitioning itself is a joyful process of becoming more comfortable in your own skin.

While the journey can take years, there are usually some significant milestones along the way. Transphobes and uninformed people can be a bit weird around legal and medical procedures, so it can be extremely reassuring to have other people around who see them as a neutral or even good thing.

You might not be able to find a greeting card with a cute poem about orchidectomies at the newsagent, but if there’s an event that’s particularly meaningful to your friend, celebrate with them like you would any other achievement, and put a reminder in your calendar for the anniversary.

Offer a helping hand

Like all the best things in life, exploring your gender identity involves an incredible amount of paperwork and hassle.

Good with admin? Let your friend know you’d be up for helping them update their documents or research private health insurance.

Smart spender? Your friend might appreciate someone to help them budget for their higher medical costs.

Like shopping? Trans and nonbinary people can have a lot of trouble finding clothes that are the right size and proportions, so keep an eye out for stores with good ranges – especially those having a sale.

Own a car? Sounds handy for taking people to airports and home from hospital.

Is a newly out friend nervous about visiting a single sex space, like a bar or a bathroom? Offer to be their chaperone.

In short