Here’s 8 Things I Regret Far, Far More Than Transitioning

If you’re tired of reading about trans people’s feelings, imagine how tired I am of having them. Much of the discourse around trans people these days focuses on young people’s ability to make sensible decisions. One major concern of the people behind this discourse is that they might experience regrets about transitioning.

Regrets aren’t just a medium-sized wading bird found in low-lying wetlands. They’re also a natural part of the emotional landscape. With long necks and sharp vision, regrets have 20/20 hindsight, while their habitats inside our noggins give them the opportunity to endlessly reflect on themselves.

Found in quagmires, environments swamped with information, or scenarios bogged down in small details, regrets are both an unavoidable part of life and a way to get a birds-eye view of a situation.

There are many species of regret, some worse than others. As someone who bemoans most of their life on a daily, if not hourly basis, I have a whole flock of them to add to the quagmire – none of which include transitioning. 

1. Doing just ~so~ much University

Turns out this kind of HECS can’t be exorcised with sage or disarmed with a counterspell.

Graduating from a Bachelor of Arts is a quirky mishap that could happen to anyone, but to do a Bachelor of Design, honours and a PhD after that is a complicated form of self-sabotage.

As Baruch Spinoza, 17th century philosopher of human emotions says, “We see, then, that the mind can undergo great changes, and pass now to a greater, now to a lesser perfection”. And I’ve definitely done both, in that order.

2. Not using sunscreen until I was 30

For some reason I thought the sun was natural and that’s why I went out at midday in Queensland without any UV protection.

Now I use fancy Japanese sunscreens and unpronounceable goo to save what remaining face elasticity I have left.

3. How long I was on the ‘wrong antidepressant’ merry-go-round

This one wasn’t entirely my fault, of course – but I could have saved myself a few years and just bought a bag of Bertie’s Every Flavour Beans instead.

The time I spent adjusting to a new medication, discovering it didn’t work, then going through withdrawal was kinda depressing.

Which, as I’m sure you can understand, wasn’t really what I was after.

4. Not bringing earplugs when I saw Sun O)))

Sun O))) is a drone doom band with more subwoofers than a good petplay handler.

I assumed that either the bar would supply earplugs or maybe that the soundwaves would be so big that I could just duck, or something?

Neither of these things were true, and now I have permanent hearing damage.

5. Being kinda non-binary-phobic once upon a time

I used to be angry at non-binary femmes because I didn’t have a concept of gender that wasn’t a set of expectations imposed from the outside by other people guessing what your genitals might be based on your clothes.

The idea that you could actually have an opinion about your own gender seemed like cheating. Turns out I was just jealous! 

6. Not stopping climate change

Yeah… sorry about that, everyone.

Looks like everything’s still on track for everything going to be on fire in 20 years, so I guess it would be better if we all got surgery to make ourselves fireproof.

But imho surgery to make ourselves hotter is a much more enjoyable way to adapt to our warming planet.

7. Accidentally deactivating ‘I don’t want to be seen by straight people’ on a dating app

I immediately received a message from a straight guy that said:

“Are you a great white shark? Because I have some swimmers for you to swallow!”

I just… I have no words.

8. Not transitioning sooner

As if the housing crisis wasn’t bad enough, I didn’t even start to feel at home in my own body until 2020.

I wasn’t exactly tearing the walls down, but I just avoided being there most of the time.

I had to introduce my own minimum mental standards to offer myself a new lease on life. But after transitioning, it’s really starting to feel like mine.