Plat du jour

I had planned last Thursday night to be like every other Thursday before a long weekend: rest, DVDs and maybe even a pizza or two. How wrong I was! Just after midday, I received a phone call from the ever fabulous Claire de Lune in her heaviest French accent: “Maxi, darling, you come tonight, bring Verush, you will love it. It is my erotic dinner.” I was told we were to wear only black and I would never forget the experience.

Straight away Verushka and I were sent into a tailspin. Both of us had only black cocktail dresses – nothing to suit the butch male alter egos we were hoping to attend in. Throwing the going-as-a-boy idea out the window, I soon came up with a glamorous black Parisian look.

Dressed as a French-style hooker with Verushka as an exotic Indian, I eagerly entered the venue to meet our hostess. “Welcome, darlings, you both look fabulous. Do you like my pianist?”

Fingering the keys delicately was a sexy male wearing only knee-high gumboots and a silk mask, oblivious to his surroundings and the two new guests stunned at his lack of costume. Not knowing what to say, I smiled and asked where he put the requests. There was no answer.

There were about 40 other guests in total and, after many glasses of champagne and delectable delights, including two semi-nude live statues that moved and undressed on two podiums at the doorway, we were ushered to one main table. Quick introductions were made and entrees served. Not sure what to expect, we were soon made aware of the next performance, an S&M show that promised to raise the odd pencilled-on eyebrow or two. Between the floggings on stage, melted candle wax and the sexy sub boy looking me straight in the eyes as it all happened, I didn’t know if I was Arthur or Martha. Claire certainly knows how to shock.

After that show and a stiff drink to follow, the main course was served. If anyone has experienced Claire’s cooking, you will know two things: one is that it is beautiful and the second is she serves up a very healthy portion. So it was no surprise that we each received a huge plate.

Then it was time for the next two shows. The first featured sexy pole dancers James and Paul, spinning and swirling inches from everyone’s face. Then Arial performed on silk hangings from the ceiling like the material Pink used in her concert.

The evening finished with Claire singing a classic French song with sexy security guard Tomash performing a naked shadow dance that had us all in awe.

After all the shock and excitement, I promised Claire I would be at her next erotic dinner for sure.