‘Do you still identify the same way?’: a non-binary activist’s letter to their older self

Non-binary activist and Minus18 volunteer Milo Milton-Moon pens a heartfelt letter to their older self.

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Hey, Milo!

I’m talking to you 20 years into the future – how’s life treating you in 2039?

I have so many questions to ask you I don’t even know where to begin. But first I want to tell you about how I’m going at this point in time.

I just turned 20 a few weeks ago. I know, I can’t believe it either. Who would’ve thought I would get to this age? But here I am, living life to the best of my abilities, learning as much as I possibly can and enjoying so many new experiences.

This last year I have grown so much in so many ways. It’s the first time I feel like I am discovering who I am as a person without listening to everyone around me. I love the person I am and the person I am becoming.

I have finally found my community! I am meeting so many new people who are like me and people who are opening my mind to endless possibilities. It has been the most fulfilling experience I could have ever imagined.

Through this self-discovery I am learning what it means to be me.

I identify as queer and non-binary (or enby for short) meaning that I don’t want to be restricted in my sexuality in any way and I don’t identify as either male or female; maybe somewhere in between, or nowhere at all.

I wonder if you still identify the same way?

I am getting everyone to use they/them/their pronouns for me too, which I love because it reflects who I am.

Some people find it hard or confusing to use but they don’t understand how much of an impact it has on me every day.

I am starting to present more and more masculine as I feel more comfortable in myself, but I also don’t want to reject my femininity completely.

The other day was the first time I got a friend to put make-up on my face in a very, very long time.

Surprisingly, it didn’t make me feel more feminine and uncomfortable – quite the opposite, it made me feel more empowered as myself, not as someone who is either masculine or feminine.

That is, until I forgot about it and accidentally rubbed it off my face. Oops.

I find gender so fascinating, how I can be going through my everyday life at work and can be identified as male by one customer, then female by the next. But I love it, I love people not knowing or being confused.

It can be challenging for other people to understand or relate to non-binary people, but it’s simple really, it just comes down to stripping away gender and seeing a person for who they are!

My struggles and doubts have only ever come from the judgement of others and the constant need for me to explain my gender identity.

I still don’t even know if these labels are for me or for the people around me looking into my life.

I like the sense of belonging you can get from a label but also at the same time I don’t know if there’s a real need for them.

I know who I am. I am me! I will be forever changing, but I will always be me.  

I want to know, has the world changed much in 20 years? Is there more queer representation? And QTIPOC (Queer, Trans, Intersex, People of Colour) representation?

More importantly, I hope you are part of that representation and inspiring other little Milos out there for just being who you are!

I really want to know how you look and feel these days. Have you had top surgery yet? Did you decide to go on testosterone?

Are you more comfortable in your body now? I have just started the process of figuring out if top surgery is the right thing for me. I know you would have made the right choice.

Where has your career led you? Are you still in the sports industry? Or have you figured out a way to combine your passion for both sport and the queer community into a career?

Right now, I am being overwhelmed with so many amazing projects to help out with.

I absolutely love it, I love helping make a difference for the better in this world and working with people who have the same goals.

I hope you found the thing that makes you happy.

You already know what lies ahead in my future, but I want you to know that I am so ready for this!

I am ready to face the challenges that come my way but also embrace the positive things with an open mind.

Your 20-year-old enby self,

Milo.