Biphobia Often Makes Being Bi Feel Like A Lose-Lose Affair – But My Bisexuality Is Valid

For Bisexual Awareness Week (16-23 September) and Bi+ Visibility Day (23 September), Star Observer‘s Managing Editor Chloe Sargeant (she/they) reflects on the insidious nature of biphobia, and the power in acknowledging the validity and beauty of her sexuality.

I knew I was bisexual when I was very young. I knew it, but I lacked confidence in myself to feel 100% secure, and say it loudly and proudly. 

As a young queer, I copped the same sorts of biphobic garbage many bisexual people do: you’re just confused, you’re just doing it for attention, you’ll grow out of it. 

For years after, I thought it would become easier to know and love myself. But the lack of confidence grew as I did, and years later, those biphobic mantras people chucked at me had implanted deep in my grey matter.

No matter what I did to get rid of them, they floated around my mind: Am I just confused? Am I doing this for attention? Will I grow out of this?

Biphobia can make being bi feel like a lose-lose situation

The insidious nature of biphobia is in just how easy it is for people to make bisexuals feel like their sexuality is a lose-lose situation, like they’re a sham. No matter what you do, who you date, people think they can talk you out of it.

If you’re dating someone of the same gender, you’re not bisexual, you’re a ‘bi now, gay later’ gay because you were just too scared to come out.

If you date someone non-binary, people joke that it’s because you can’t choose a side – and the hurtful jokes land not only on you, but your partner, too.

If you date someone of the opposite gender, you’re actually straight and were only claiming to be bi for attention. 

This no-win situation is rooted in the inherent biphobic belief that bisexuality simply is not real, not valid, not welcome.

But it is – and it’s actually the largest and fastest-growing group in the LGBTQIA+ alphabet. 

Bisexuality doesn’t always mean two, and attraction isn’t 50-50

My bisexuality is all-encompassing – I’ve never seen bisexual to mean ‘two genders’, for me it’s always meant ‘more than two’.

The term ‘pansexual’ is common now to mean ‘attracted to all genders’, but it wasn’t a common term when I came out – so ‘bisexual’ was the word that I identified with and loved. ‘Bisexual’ is important to me, and it has always been inclusive of transgender, non-binary, and gender-diverse people. 

My bisexuality isn’t an equal 50-50 situation, same as most other bi people (I always joke that I am thrilled to be attracted to women, and tolerate being attracted to men), but every bisexual’s experience and attraction is different.

This Bisexual Awareness Week, remind bi loved ones that they’re valid

We shouldn’t have to quantify it to people – I’ll be honest, it is goddamn exhausting.

But my bisexuality is real. My bisexuality is valid. My bisexuality is pretty fucking stunning. 

Our group may be bigger than ever, but we’re still told every day that our identities don’t exist.

So this Bisexual Awareness Week – which runs from September 16 and ends on Bisexual Visibility Day on September 23 – remember to hug your bisexual friends, family and lovers and remind them they’re valid, and they are loved.